RESPECT: Where did it go and can we get it back?
By Jincy Dean
Why is respect so important?
Maybe because respect it is the foundation of a stable society. Just envision this: First peace and harmony in the home, then in the community, finally in the world. Imagine all the problems we could solve if we respected one another. Wow! Where did we go wrong?
It all starts at home. Parents are supposed to be role models for their children; they are supposed to teach respect by example and earn the respect of their children. Children are mirrors and they reflect back to us everything we say and do. We know that a very high percentage of everything children learn, they learn from what is modeled for them. A very small percentage of all they learn is from direct instruction. Human beings are like tape recorders. Every word we hear, everything we experience, is permanently recorded in our subconscious. Whenever adults speak, we are being role models for the children in our presence. What we speak is what we teach. Children record every word we ever say to them or in front of tem. The language children grow up hearing is the language they will speak. Children imitate parents, family members, friends, caregivers, teachers, and television. While we can’t keep children from ever seeing models of the kind of behavior we don’t want them to imitate, we can be more selective of what models we expose them to, especially television.
One of the most common criticisms I hear of young people these days is, “they don’t treat anyone or anything with respect.” Ironically, adults often try to teach children to be respectful by treating them disrespectfully. Children learn respect from how we treat them and each other. When children live with disrespect, they learn disrespect. As parents we must expose, acknowledge, and work on eliminating all the ways that we model disrespect.
To move from the disrespectful way of teaching such as criticizing, lecturing and giving orders, to teaching children through conscious, intentional modeling, takes time and practice and willingness to look at and sometimes change our own behavior. We can train ourselves to stop and think before we speak, by remembering that everything we say will be recorded and imitated.
When we give children the same respect we expect, we teach children r-e-s-p-e-c-t. A very important little word to remember and it will come back! Some guidelines based on age:Babies – They are too young to show respect but when you meet their needs, they learn to trust you. This helps as they get older because respect for authority is based on trust.
Toddlers – They are old enough to say “please” and “thank you”.
Preschoolers – This is a good time to teach rules and consequences.
Elementary age – They show the most respect for adults who make fair rules, It helps to let them have a say in the rules that they are expected to follow.
Middle and High Schoolers – Allow them to show independence, such as clothing or hairstyles, but make sure you have guidelines. They will appreciate the respect you are showing them.